Saturday, December 12, 2015

Eggnog Latte Loaf

If you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself.

I've decided this needs to be monogrammed onto a throw pillow or tattooed to my arm so I never forget it. 

A couple months ago, I was invited to a swanky media event. A girlfriend of mine offered to do my hair for the occasion and had a coworker that wanted to practice some more intricate makeup applications on clients if I was up for it. Sarah, the makeup artist, would only charge me $40 (her usual fee of $75) but promised I'd look the part, whatever that means. I was asked to have a clean face and a photo of what look I was going for.

Thank you Pinterest. 

Once my hair was done, Sarah took me to the front window where the light was bright and natural. She asked me a few questions about my skin and if I had ever had a makeup application done before. I was immediately drawn back to the time I was 21 years old.

My sister and I were given a complimentary makeover by a representative of a door-to-door makeup company that rhymes with Berry Day. Despite the fact I'm slightly darker than my sister (who is blonde and blue eyed), we have the same olive skin tone. As the makeover with the consultant went on, I couldn't help but feel she was choosing the wrong colours for me. I assumed because she was a professional, she knew better than I. Friends, the end result yielded something out of a horror movie. I had "smokey eyes" that were too purple and smudged like I'd been crying, my eyelashes had blobs of mascara at the tips - sort of like when you write with a ball point pen and the tip goops up with ink? The blush that was far too pink and unnecessary. I blush naturally, so I don't use nor need it. I looked like an actual clown. At that point, I swore I would never have my makeup done again.


Fast forward to present day. As I was having my face primed for my foundation, I had asked Sarah how long she'd been doing makeup (eight years) and why she chose esthetician as her profession (she always loved makeup and adored making pretty things beautiful). After an hour of mindless chit chat, she was ready to reveal her work of art. I was bit nervous not only did I believe in deja-vu, I felt my face tipping forward with all the makeup.

I took the hand mirror from her and looked. And looked. And looked.

"Well?" Sarah asked with bated breath.

My response?

"You've been doing this for eight years? This is nothing like the photo I gave you. It's awful."

YOU GUYS, I lost the filter from my mouth. Lost it. I didn't mean to say that out loud, but it was all my brain could process at the time. And please know I'm not a rude person by any means, nor do I ever want people to feel bad, but this was.....this was like something Buzzfeed would challenge a girlfriend to do to her friend. If she was going for Hot Mess Glamorous, she nailed it. To be fair, some of that outburst may have been a little repressed anger from the time I was twenty-one and too chicken to say anything.

We stood there looking at each other. Funny thing about it was that she wasn't hurt by my comment, but rather steaming, as if HOW DARE I say that to her.

How dare I?

My face was a shade lighter than usual. The concealer she used was so cakey, you could see into my pores. The bags and dark circles under my eyes were not only amplified, but the colour turned to a bright purple, which made it look like I was punched repeatedly. The winged tip on my eye she promised was a drawn on with a kohl pencil and curled at the end like christmas ribbon. I wear liquid liner in everyday life - I would certainly not switch it down to a kohl pencil for an event, nor would I apply a curl to the look. The eyeshadow matched my eye colour and made them look lifeless. My bottom lashes were lined with a gold eyeshadow - GOLD. I looked like Cleopatra after a three day drinking binge. Finally, the lipstick she chose for my colouring was a nude/beige. It made me look like I got up too fast after giving blood and all colour drained from my face. It was like I was 21 all over again.

So awesome.

I got up from the chair, excused myself and walked right out the door, annoyed she wasted an hour of my time. I had to run home, wash my face, and quickly reapply my makeup myself. I was almost late because of it. 

After I digested what happened, I did feel bad, but once I told friends what happened, they agreed that sometimes people need to be told. She said she could deliver on something that was clearly out of her league - and had the ladyballs to charge for it. If you provide a service, you better have the talent to back it up. People work hard for their money and they want they results they want.

And if it's a quick bread you want, I think this Eggnog Latte Loaf delivers.

I was trying to recreate the famous coffeehouse drink that was available last year into a cake form. It's delicious, even if you don't like eggnog, I promise. The punch of espresso flavour really comes through and satiates the palate.

Not the makeup palette, but whatever.

One thing at a time.


2¼ cups all purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
¼ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon espresso powder
½ teaspoon ground nutmeg
¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon
½ cup light brown sugar
½ cup granulated sugar
⅔ cups unsalted butter, at room temperature
2 large eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup full fat eggnog

2 cups powdered sugar
4-6 tablespoons eggnog*
¼ - ½ teaspoon espresso powder

*Start with 4 tablespoons and add more if consistency is too thick. You may need to even add a little more that I have stated. You want to achieve a thick, but pouring consistency. 

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter a 9 x 5 loaf tin and line with parchment paper, leaving about an inch overhang. This is for easy removal once loaf is baked.

In a small mixing bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, espresso powder, nutmeg and cinnamon. Set aside.

In a large mixing bowl, using an electric mixer, beat butter and both sugars together until pale and creamy. Add in eggs, one at time, and beat until fully incorporated with each addition, scraping down sides as needed. Add in vanilla extract.

Slowly begin to incorporate dry ingredients into wet, mixing only until blended. Alternate dry ingredients and eggnog as you go. Once all ingredients are well blended, pour batter into prepared loaf tin. Give pan a few good bumps on the countertop to help level out batter and to release any air bubbles trapped in batter.

Bake for 50-60 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean or with a few moist crumbs. Remove from oven and allow to cool for about 10 minutes before taking loaf out of the pan. Remove from pan and discard parchment paper. Place on a wire cooling rack and allow to completely cool before adding glaze.

To make glaze, add all ingredients into a small mixing bowl or a measuring cup with a spout. Once desired consistency is reached, slowly pour over top of loaf and allow to flow over the sides.

Let set for 30 minutes and glaze with harden.

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3 Responses to “Eggnog Latte Loaf”

  1. Oh no! That's hilarious- it must have been awful for you to lose your filter like that, but I think the dose of honesty will help her out in the future :) This Eggnog Latte Loaf looks delicious!

  2. Do not feel bad about blowing a gasket! I have loved makeup since I was 6 been doing it freelance for over 20yrs. If the girl could not recreate the picture, she should have been upfront about it, she should have known what colors were available and went over the scheme with you, showed you any color substitutes for approval. Thank Heaven you were able fix it, even if you had to sacrifice time..I am so sorry! I can't wait to make this and the Caramel Sticky Buns for Christmas Morning.. Have you tried putting Bourbon or Rum in the icing ( for later in the day)?


  3. I hear you! This post hit too close to home!! Nothing is more infuriating than bad service and having to pay for it!!! It's like giving them the okay to continue being crap!! This bread looks incredible though!!!