Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Raspberry Coconut Linzer Bars

Gross.

As if.

Do you remember last month, I was as happy as a kid in a candy store when I debuted my blog's new facelift and a dot com? A concept I'd been spending weeks on? A concept I couldn't wait to show you all?  Well, apparently, someone didn't appreciate or agree with my enthusiasm, because someone thought it should be flagged....as PORNOGRAPHY.

*GASP*.

Yes, friends. My beautifully redesigned blog was flagged as shameless smut. Draw the blinds, because apparently cookies are the new crotchless panties of the blogosphere. 

I had no idea what was happening until a blogger friend of mine contacted me to say she couldn't open my site at her office computer. She went on to say there was a warning about it being not safe for work, or in other words, porn

Wait. Waaaaait a minute. WHAT? PORNOGRAPHY? My site is *gulp* filthySoon after, I was inundated with emails from other readers, expressing their concern that my site was "NSFW".



Omigosh. What is happening? Why am I not safe for work?!? Why is my blog NOT SAFE FOR WORK?! MY COOKIES, CAKES, AND OTHER DESSERTS ARE NO LONGER SAFE TO LOOK AT? Suddenly, my mind went into overload. WHY ARE THEY PICKING ON ME? IS IT BECAUSE I'M BRUNETTE? IT'S BECAUSE I'M BRUNETTE, ISN'T IT?!? WHAT DO THEY HAVE AGAINST BRUNETTES?? ARE THEY ASSOCIATING BRUNETTES WITH BEING TRASHY?! IS IT BECAUSE MY BLOG HOST IS ONE THAT PARADES SCANTILY CLAD WOMEN ALL OVER THEIR ADS?

I was raging. And sweating like a toilet on a hot, sticky summer day.

Rage quickly turned into panic and I started to see spots. I grabbed a package of half eaten Oreos, found a corner and rocked myself to calmness. Wow. My brand spankin' new site and the word porn - in the same sentence. Seriously?!

Once I had my fill of stuffing cookies in my face, I got up, reapplied my lipstick, put on my big girl pants and dealt with the situation at hand. 

After dealing with four, yes, FOUR anti-porn cyber sights, none of which could tell me why I was being flagged, just that I was, my left eye started to twitch something awful and I felt throbbing headache coming on. 

It wasn't until later in the day when my friend Robyn told me she knew why. And it came down to one stupid word.

Fluffer.

That one little world in the welcome column on the sidebar suddenly had mothers from around the globe clutching their pearls and shielding their children's eyes away from my chocolate cake. Unbeknownst to me, I had NO IDEA what a fluffer was. A food fluffer, as I had it written, is someone that jazzes up food and makes it looks pretty and appetizing, yes? And a Fluffernutter? It's a delicious peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwich Mom used to make me as a treat when I was a good girl. But a straight up fluffer? Not a clue. I quickly hit the interwebs to educate myself on this word that almost gave me a stroke. 

Then it made sense.

Ew. Ewwwww. 

I immediately stripped the word off my site and calmly contacted all parties involved, explaining the situation. By the next day, peace was restored throughout the land and my delectables were free to show off what I gave them. Cupcakes were hugging brownie bars; cookies were holding hands with tarts. My happy shenanigans were free to grace computer screens everywhere once again.



That is until this little number walked in to upset the balance of things. Again. 

No worries, though. 


I think these bars accentuate this post in all the right places. 



RASPBERRY COCONUT LINZER BARS
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Bake Time: 35 minutes
Yield: 16 Bars

1½ cups unsalted butter
1 cup granulated sugar
2 cups all purpose flour
2 cups ground almonds
1 cup desiccated unsweetened coconut
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 cups raspberry jam 
Icing sugar for dusting, optional

Preheat oven to 350ยบF. Prepare a 9 x 13 baking pan by lining with parchment paper or by lightly greasing with a non-stick spray, but due to the butter content, it's not really necessary for this recipe. 

In a mixing bowl, whisk together flour, almonds, and coconut. Set aside. 

In a separate mixing bowl using an electric mixer, cream butter and sugar together until velvety and smooth. Add in egg and egg yolk and beat really well. Incorporate flour mixture into butter mixture and mix until combined. 

Take three cups of mixture of dough and press into the bottom of the pan, covering only the bottom. 

Using an offset spatula, spread raspberry jam over top crust evenly. Tip: Warm jam in a saucepan or in he microwave in a heat-safe dish for just a few seconds for easiest application. 

Take remaining dough and crumble over jam. 

Bake for 30-35 minutes or until crumble is a delicious, golden brown. Remove from oven and allow to cool. Once cooled, cut into squares. Dust with powdered sugar, if so desired. 

Keep bars sealed in an airtight container. These will keep for several days. 

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9 Comments »

9 Responses to “Raspberry Coconut Linzer Bars”

  1. These look amazing! I love linzer bars and I love the twist with the coconut :) Pinning!

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  2. I'm so sorry for your troubles...but I had to chuckle a bit. I would freak if that happened to me!! Glad you got it all figured out though :) the new site is gorgeous! Loving these delicious looking bars, pinned.

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  3. Honestly, I'm surprised this didn't happen AGES AGO.

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  4. I am big time in love with this story...though I'm genuinely sorry you had to waste so much time getting it sorted :-). Are you now on a list of "blogs approved to use the word fluffer" or will this post land you in the dog house again? ;-) xo (p.s. these bars look fabulous!)

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    1. Haha! it was stressful at the time, but I'm so glad I can laugh about it now. Because the word was in the template or body of the blog itself, the cyber spiders or whatever they're called, found it and flagged it as pornographic straight away. Individual posts don't count as it's not something that would jump out at you when landing onto my blog. I figure at least if it happens to someone else, I know what to do. And thanks for the love. You're a star! XO

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  5. I don't even want to know what a "fluffer" is. You're a brave woman for checking it out on the internet where inveritably, you also saw photos and videos. I also wondered the same thing as Sarah - did the use of the word in this post put you back on the porn list again? Wear it with pride, my friend ;) Fab bars too - beautiful straight lines! My bars always look like they were sliced with a spoon.

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    Replies
    1. Oh Nancy! It's HILARIOUS! Look it up. You'll howl. As I just explained to Sarah, because the word was in the template of the blog itself, those cyber critters found it and immediately flagged it as smut straight away. Individual posts don't count as they're only posts, not part of the body that appears as a whole when someone opens my blog. And thanks for the love as always. Oh, and a tip for straight lines? A bench scraper. They're fabulous. Xoxo

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